Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Does it ever end?

For a long time I have been bad with speaking my mind, simply because I can't come up with the right words to form the thought I'm thinking. When I do say what I am thinking, most of the time people have no idea what I am even talking about. With that being said I have decided to blog more often because writing is the best way to get things off my mind. Even if I am the only one reading it.

A few weeks ago it seemed my world crashed and burned. By this I mean that I lost my lob, my boyfriend decided that as much as he cared about me we just were not working out, and on top of that because I lost my job I had no money to pay the rent. God bless my roommate that was able to spot me the money until I can pay him back. Since I live with my now ex boyfriend I have decided to take the opportunity to move back home and more than likely start school. I know I said I was going to awhile back but this time I am positive that it's what I want to do.

It has been a rough road the past few weeks because I really do miss him. We are still friends and I think out of the two weeks of our new status, we have had more fun than we have had since the first month of dating. Which I like to think of as a positive thing.

I'm not a big gamer but he did get me interested in Borderlands 2 which I have been playing all the time and have my character into the higher levels. Let me tell you something, he is bad ass!! They have the pre sequel coming out a little later this month with different characters and skill trees which I am really excited for!

That is one thing I think brought us a little closer together was the playing games and relaxing. Not going to lie, it is hard to be friends with someone you've been in love with for the past 6 months but I know that we are meant to be better friends than in a relationship. Things might be able to work out down the road but right now just friends. This I am okay with.

Tomorrow I plan on moving all of my stuff back into my mom's house (with my brothers help) which I am hoping goes well. Tonight me ex and I plan on waking up to watch the moon and its blood red deal which should be super fun.

I have also reconnected with an old friend these past few weeks and it's really nice to be able to talk to him like we had never been disconnected. He has been there for me in more ways than I ever expected and he has been making me very happy. He told me that it is okay to hurt but when I want to stop hurting I need to stand up and say that I am okay and that everything else is going to be okay. Then, and only then, will I be okay.

Those words have stuck with me every hour of the day. Thinking that I've already done that but realizing I haven't. Asking myself when is it the right time? When do I know that I am done hurting and that everything WILL be okay? I'm just glad that he sometimes has really good advice.

Recent events within my personal life have hit very very hard and it's been difficult to wrap my emotions around all of it. I have been scrambling to try and piece things together in my head of what I want to say and how I feel. You know when you were a kid and your parents told you to stop with the hissy fit so you went to your room held your pillow and just screamed into it? Yeah, I did that today. Multiple times actually. It felt good too. The only thing it accomplished is voicing my frustration.

I am ready to stand up and tell myself that I am okay and everything will be okay. My head is telling me yes, my heart is telling me no. I need to follow my gut, which way will it go? Let's hope I know soon.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

21 Day Fix - Day 1

I have been asked to participate in the 21 Day Fix with my roommates, and I have accepted their invitation. I am wanting to lose weight, so why not start here. I know this will be hard for me because I like food and although this program has provided me with a lot of food, it is still not my fatty snack food that I love.

Anyways, Day 1 was almost successful. I ate all (or tried at least) the food and cheated a little at the end of the day. I am not used to drinking just water so I cheated a little and had a soda, and took a few finger's full of my birthday cake frosting. Oh did I mention that totally spaced actually doing the work out? I mean I watched it, that should count right?

I was far from hungry though I do like snacking and that didn't happen yesterday. I plan on trying to actually eating my apples and peanut butter that I missed out on yesterday.

Day 1 down and day 2 in progress, 19 to go.

I also plan on trying to do more than just the exercises and in some cases switch out the exercises for walking because I need to start conditioning for my 5k walk that I will be doing in two weeks!! Scary but something I am wanting to get into, so why not start now.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Feeling Invisible

So I had a pretty decent day today, dealt with my cranky boyfriend who I ended up making happy because of my weird ass personality. We went to dinner and had a great time and then we just talked. Which felt really nice because I never really get a chance to just talk with anyone except for my best friend because she knows my life by the back of her hand...but lets get to the posting title...after my nice evening I came home and my family was all talking and chatting, until I walked in. Then everyone went their own separate ways. Feeling ignored I had just decided to go back up to my room so they could have a great old time again..once walking up the stairs my mom asks if they all still wanted to play cribbage. I stopped on the stairs and just looked at them...then proceeded to walk back down the stairs and sit on the couch because I wanted to watch (knowing that it was only a three person game) because I didn't know how to play. Nobody invited me, nobody wanted me there. Then my brother asked if I came back down just so I could play, I said no then he proceeded to say, good because your not playing...I felt disappointed. So I sat there a little longer pouting and just decided to adventure back upstairs to let them have their fun. I can now hear them down there having a blast..Watch, if I walk down there I'm sure they will make it seem like it's really boring so I will leave. Come to think of it I am a bit thirsty... *snide remark face*

Monday, January 13, 2014

Work & School Suck

Today marks the first day of my five day weekend...(not by choice). I am enrolling myself in night school in an attempt to escape the misery of working for someone else. I recieved a phone call from the financial aid office of my college and they said that I need to fill out some papers and submit them so that I can get my financial aid. Classes start in about two weeks and I am freaking out!! I am so close to just giving up on college but I know it's in my better interests not to do that. For 22 months I will be attending school from 5pm-10pm Monday-Friday and only have a short little winter break...this is going to take the breath out of me. I hate dealing with Financial Aid papers because I always end up submitting the wrong one and it just goes downhill from there. Then after that whole shin-dig I end up not being able to start classes because I don't have the money that I need due to the fact that I submitted the wrong papers. Gahh!! Hopefully this won't be as frustrating as last time. Wish me luck!!

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Worst Day Ever

Today was a note worthy day to say the least, and not in a good way either. I overslept, rushed out of the house to make it to work, was still a half hour late; then proceeded to get yelled at for being late. Hell, at least I showed up!! They should have been thankful for that!! I think I jinxed it. The day before my manager said "Don't be late" and I'm thinking...'When am I ever late??' well apparently today was that day...could it get any worse?? As a matter o' fact it can, and it did. Got yelled at twice more for something I didn't know I did wrong because I wasn't told otherwise. Then ad a mental breakdown and started crying in my car because I wasn't about to cry at work. Then my co-worker wanted me to stay late so she could make it to break before she took off, which was fine. So I waited. Then I got yelled at for waiting....SERIOUSLY?!?! I was so frustrated that my New Year wasn't starting off too hot!! Everyone was irritated with me the whole day just because I was 27 minutes late and I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to go to lunch when I did because "You were here late, so everyone else should have gone first." I've been on the verge of breaking for awhile now, but this just sent me over the edge. Gahhh. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a better start to the new year.