Thursday, August 4, 2016

My New Love

This is something that needs to be said, and I want everyone to hear it. Yes, it was kinda a sudden thing, and yes, it was completely out of left field for me. However, why does it matter? If I love someone, I am going to love them regardless of their gender.

There is really no difference, actually my relationship with her has been the best one I've ever had. We respect each other, we understand each other, and we love each other. My past relationships have been abusive, they have been full of lies, and they have been a nightmare.

No, I didn't ever think I would be with a woman. My parents and I always joked about it after I guy I was interested didn't work out, but I feel as though it was an empty joke with no real intentions of that happening. But it did, and I am the happiest I've ever been.

Sure, it's not conventional. We will run into problems later on down the road when we decide we want to build a life and start having kids. However, these are only deemed PROBLEMS to some, to us it's just how it is, it's something different and it will all work out. Her and I will build a life together, we will be happy, we will be the best versions of ourselves.

Yeah, I always dreamed of the fairytale wedding and the suit and tie to come home to, but that's what she is to me. She is my suit and tie, my fairytale, my forever. Nothing else matters when I am with her, and all my problems are muted in the background almost like they aren't there anymore.

Some of you may or may not agree with my sudden decision to rush into a relationship with a woman, but let me tell you this: I have been single for almost 2 years now, and I have had multiple people I have been interested in. When I met her, she made me feel like I was worth more than all of these guys had ever made me feel over the course of months. For those of you who really know me, it's hard for me to believe that I am worth a lot. It's hard for me to know what I deserve, and how I deserve to be treated. Leanna treats me like I am a princess, when she looks at me I can see it. I know she loves me and would never hurt me intentionally, and that's something that is big with me.

I've learned to love my body and love myself in the past month and a half than I have in many years. Yes, you have to love yourself before someone else can love you. Quite honestly I think that's bullshit. She makes me love myself, she shows me that it's okay to look the way I do, and she makes me feel beautiful. I can now look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I look Beautiful. She makes me feel invincible, and I know that no matter what anyone else thinks of me, she loves me, and I love me. For the first time I can say that I LOVE ME. I LOVE MYSELF. This is a huge.

So I have a new love, and her name is Leanna. She is everything to me, she is my forever.

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Long Overdue

Alright so I know I've been saying that I am going to work on a new post, but haven't gotten around to it. Well today, I am getting around to it. Previously it was taking a long time because I didn't know what I wanted to talk about. I don't just like to type something for the hell of you guys having something to read. This blog is supposed to be meaningful, something to make you think.

With that said, I've decided what I think I'd like to talk to you about. I know that it is now the end of March, and a distance away from New Year's, but I would still kinda make this a New Year's post nonetheless.

The recap of my 2015 year goes like this, I got accepted into George Fox University for Psychology, and attended Spring Semester. Had to drop out of my psychology class because of a family emergency in January. After spring term ended, I then tried to work for a little bit and get my life a little more pieced together. In May I decided it was time to actually buckle down and go to school for something, cosmetology school was what I decided on, and started in June. I completed cosmetology school in January of this year, so about 7 months. For the hair design part that's a pretty great accomplishment. The best part was, I FINALLY GRADUATED FROM A COLLEGE. Granted it was a trade school, but still that's such a huge milestone for me.

Now, as for this year, it's already been a huge year. It's only the end of the third month of 2016 and it's already been such a roller coaster. So much for it being MY YEAR..haha. Although I'm determined to make this my year regardless of what stands in my way. Like I said, I graduated school, then got my license in February, then my dad went in for surgery to remove the cancer on his rib the middle of February. During the surgery they deemed it inoperable because it had spread to rapidly to his diaphragm. So imagine my brother and I's face when he is out of surgery 2 hours early, and the doctor tells us there's nothing they can do.

After talking with the doctor, the next step was Radiation Therapy, and then Chemotherapy to help reduce his pain. Which is now in the process of being done. I can tell you that my dad is one hell of a fighter. His strength and determination is something that I highly admire.

I've been put through up's and down's with trying to find a Salon to call home. At this point, I'm not even looking in my licensed field because that's how much I just need a job. It's funny when people talk to me about jobs because they don't understand my mindset. Three years ago now I made a promise to myself and I keep all my promises. This promise is to not do something that doesn't make my soul happy.

Now I get that I'm only 20 years old, and that's not how is was when you were a child, but this is how I am choosing to live my life. After everything I've been through, I think that life is too short to be unhappy. I didn't pay thousands of dollars to wake up and not want to go to work. That's not how I want to live, and it's okay if you don't agree with me, but don't try to lecture me about it.

I've found new friends, and I've lost old ones. What I've learned though is that in the end it's only you. Your best friend is yourself in the end. People promise to always be there, but almost always those promises fall through. You can't rely on anyone for anything.