Friday, June 19, 2015

Late Night Thoughts

Tonight, just like any other, started off with laughter and jokes. It's always a blessing to be around people who genuinely make you happy. There is no other feeling like it. At this point you are probably thinking that I'm just being clichè, but have you seriously sat down and thought about it?

Through the past few years I've learned a lot about myself and who I want to be. I've set my goals an aspirations higher than I would have a few years back. Let's be honest here, hindsight is 20/20; it always is though. You don't know what you have until it's gone; you don't know how far you've gone until you look back on where you used to be.

Tonight was different for me though; I learned things about myself that I guess I somewhat knew already but at the same time it wasn't completely clear to me. Drama is not my friend, it never has been and never will be. Here are my thoughts on why I say this: it's bullshit. I'm guilty of creating drama (I made drama tonight in fact) and I'm mad at myself for doing it.

There was no reason to create the drama that I did. It was completely not necessary and honestly not at all helpful. Drama never is. It's helpful when you know so much about a person to know how annoyed they get with drama. Yet I still created it. Why? Not a clue. I guess I just wanted to be heard.

It gets to a point where you have to take a step back and ask yourself if it's truly worth it. Most of the time, you should find it not to be. I'm appologetic for my actions tonight, and it shouldn't have gone that far.

Moral of the story is that drama is unnecessary and never helpful. Even if it is because you want to be heard. Now, I know that's not the only reason people create drama, but it's at least some of why. That, or they want attention.

I'm not sure if they will read this, but if they do this is what I have to say to them. I'm sorry for trying to make something small into a big deal, that text broke my heart a little and I just wanted to comfort you in the best way I knew how to. That's what I do. Especially when you have such a special place in my heart. I know you don't like drama and the fact that I created it with you makes me a little sick to my stomach to be honest. I know my boundaries, and I somewhat know where I stand with you. It's just hard for me to sit across from you and not be able to help you like I know how to. I probably could have gone about it a different way, but I clearly wasn't thinking through it well enough. I love you, and I miss you.

Lonely midnight thoughts.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Nature is Beauty

This is probably one of the best pictures I have ever taken. As most of you know, I am into photography and am almost always taking pictures (even if they are selfies). I'm so proud of the photos that I took this day, but this one is probably my favorite. 

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Fun in the Sun

Today was an adventure in a couple different ways. Since I've moved in and out of my moms house quite frequently since turning 18, and even a few times before that when I got into trouble, I've just stopped unpacking some boxes and just put them in our storage under the house. Well today was the day that I went through all of those boxes. Not only to get rid of things I clearly had no use for, but to reorganize all of them since they had been half full boxes, or just a mash-up of items.

This is how bad I've gotten over the past few years; I emptied probably 15 boxes, and reorganized them into 5. Master packer vs hoarder. Yes, I admit it, I hoard things that I think I might want down the road (even though 99% of the time I don't). It felt so good to get that all taken care of, especially when 2 boxes are Christmas, and another is all dishes. That means only two or three boxes have actual stuff in there.

Somewhat expecting that to take the greater portion of the day, I hadn't really planned anything else and that was to be my big project of the day. Well that really only took about an hour or two, and then I wasn't really sure what to do after that because I didn't want to sit and watch TV all day, especially because of how nice it was outside.

With that being said, I asked my friend Jess what she was up to since I haven't seen her in months. We ended up going to the park and walking around catching up, then going to get SONIC Happy Hour Slushies to cool off. I'm a sucker for Sonic Slushies.

Here is the issue we ran into while trying to plan this adventure, where do we go? We rattled off a few ideas, but we figured the places we listed were sure to be crowded, and who wants to go somewhere where it's crowded? Not me, I don't handle crowds very well, they stress me out and I get really frustrated.

That was the question; somewhere new, that had a body of water, and wasn't going to be too crowded. Wilsonville docks, Newberg docks, and finally Cook Park. Well we ended up going to cook park because well all else was not looking up. We wanted to go on an adventure, and find somewhere not so crowded. From my experience, all of these places are highly known so most often there are plenty of people there, and in big groups.

This was her first time at Cook Park, so I guess you could say it was a new adventure. We went walking on the trails that go through the whole park. Some of the paths dead-ended, and some just seemed not so plausible. We did make it down almost every trail in the park though, and the sign at the gate said the park was a half a mile, so that counted as my exercise for the day! ;)

That was my fun in the sun for the day, and it was pretty great!

Thursday, June 4, 2015

You're a Work in Progress

In my last post, I explored the fragile aspects of time, and how we should value it. Well, now I want to explore how we view ourselves. When I was attending George Fox, I took a communications class, with one of the best professors I've ever had in my college career. We were to make three speeches throughout the duration of the semester. Persuasive was the last speech that we were supposed to give. This one was probably one of my favorites.

It took me awhile to figure out what I wanted to tell me audience, or what I wanted to persuade them into thinking. Then it came to me. We are all going through the same hell, just different devils. Most often, we don't think of ourselves as highly as others might. At least that's how it is for me. Yes, some people may think less of me than I think of myself, but I tend not to stick around those people.

My speech was about believing in yourself, and I rocked it! I was so proud of myself over this speech. It took me awhile to come up with something because nothing seemed to satisfy my need to help someone. That's why I thought, why try to convince someone that Disney World is better than Disney Land, or how Oregon State is better than University of Oregon. All other options, including these, seemed inadequate.

Believing in yourself is hard for most people, and easier for others. It all depends on who you are and how you handle situations. There is a point in life where you need to be alone with yourself to think, and basically find who you are and what you want to do in life. There is never a better time than now to start really getting to know who you are and what you stand for, then nobody can break you down.

It is hard to block out negative things that people may say to you, and not every time can you block out everything. Try this: take it with a grain of sand. If you know who you are, what you stand for, and are firm in your beliefs, then you already have an advantage. You are who you are, the people putting you down don't know what you've been through, they haven't walked a mile in your shoes. Why let them control your feelings with their perception of your life when they don't know the whole story? Again, take it with a grain of sand, and know in your heart that they are just trying to get a reaction out of you.

As the title proposes, you are a work in progress. Don't let anyone push you to be something your not. Let people encourage you and stand by you through your journey, but never let someone drag you down. They don't deserve to have that satisfaction, and they don't deserve you. Time is short, you never know what is ahead, make sure it counts.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015


I know that most often we learn in life that time is fragile. Most of us don't fully understand what this means. Honestly I didn't either until I lost one of the most important things in my life, and another one a year and a half later. This concept was not something I understood until Cancer had a confrontation with my Dad, it was not something I understood until I had to put my best friend of 15 years down, it was not something I understood until I lost my grandpa.

After high school, I had my struggles; I let people closest to me down, I lost people I cared about because I was to ignorant and negative, and I lost myself. I was a disappointment to many, and that scared me. It's hard for me knowing I let someone down, that is where I start to panic. In my mind, letting someone else down (the people closest to me) is more important than letting myself down. My mother watched me go through reckless relationships, moving in and out of her house, fighting, yelling, crying. This is the end I thought, the end of everything I've known, I have hit rock bottom.

Although I'm not going to display all of my struggles and discontentment's, it was a hard time for me. Thorough this progression, I learned that TIME IS VALUABLE, YOU ARE VALUABLE. It's funny that all this time we have, we don't have it at the same time. The average American wakes up, goes to work and/or school, then if they have time some activities, then eat and sleep. We get up the next day and do it all over again, as if we were robots, programmed to be repetitive.

This post may seem like it's a bunch of jumbled thoughts, and that it probably really accurate.

There are times when I watch random things on Netflix or OnDemand, and they turn out to be amazing stories and they hit me so deeply. With that said, there was a book by Mitch Albom (favorite author by the way) it was called Time Keeper. In this book, was the story of Father Time; now this wasn't a long book, it was actually a very quick read. However, I was so impressed by this book because of the concept behind it. I encourage you to read it.

Anyways, Albom describes Father Times life, even before he was Father Time, and walks us through this amazing adventure of a man who asks the heavens why his Wife had died, and he didn't have time to save her. He then turns into Father Time. Now that's all I'm going to say about the story line for those of you who want to read it so there are no spoilers.

Again, TIME IS VALUABLE. There isn't a countdown clock on your nightstand, there is no knowing the future. There is now, there is only right now. Make the most out of every moment. You may know that someone doesn't have much time left here, but you never know the exact moment. There are things that I wish I could go back and change. Like getting to know my grandpa more than I do. He was my role model, he had so much strength and courage, and one of the last things he said to me will stay with me forever. But, with as much as I'd like to go back and get to know him more, I know that the future, as we are right now, would not be the same.

Right now, my life isn't bad, it could be better, but it could also be a lot worse and I am grateful that it isn't. Everyone fights, argues, and has there fall-outs, but just make sure that when you fight, don't take too long to make up. You can never get time back, but you can choose how to spend it.