Belated Halloween Thoughts

Here I was, scrolling through Facebook counting down to Halloween. What I saw was no less than ordinary, but it got me thinking. Every Halloween without fail, someone posts or shares a photo that has to do with not dressing up as a specific thing because it is hurtful so their culture or a culture they have grown encompassed to. Now, I'm not saying this is right or wrong.

However, has it ever occurred to anyone, that no matter what costume you want to wear it's almost always going to involve someone's life. That it might be hurtful? For example: dressing as a construction worker. Cute right? Yes. Not recognizing the fact that this is someones life, their career. So why is it that dressing as an Indian is recognized as shameful but nothing else really is? Inanimate objects, not so much of a concern (Soap and Loofah, Ketchup and Mustard, Netflix and Chill, etc.).

Seriously think about this. If we are not recognizing that everyone is human, this world is going to fall apart. Hell, it already is. This is my point, dressing up has been an age-old tradition that has been carried through the years. Although the things people may say about a certain costume can be hurtful, we are all human. We should be able to dress as whatever we want. An Indian, Bohemian dancer, construction worker, policeman/policewoman, fireman, etc.

No judgement should be placed on anyone for being who they want to be on the one night they can choose to be anything they can imagine.

Here's to the free spirits, and the ones who still respect what they may be representing on Halloween night with whatever costume they are wearing.

A letter to my best friend

Thank you.

Thank you for being you, for loving me the way I am, for everything you do for me. In my obsessively crazy world, I know you'll always be there. We've gone through some rocky points in our lives without each other, and it seems to go a little smoother when I know you're there to catch me.

For staying up at night to talk to me, even though you're exhausted from your long day. For being the shoulder I can cry on, and you'll hold me so I feel safe again. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life, and a part of your family. I know how much family means to you, and I am so grateful that I can be a part of that.

Thank you for being a part of my family, for coming to me when you need someone there for you, even at 3am, because you know I will always be there for you. Thank you for encouraging me and helping me to keep on the right track. Thank you for being my common sense when it seems all of mine is on a runaway train.

I love you so much. I honestly don't know how I would have survived some of the things I have if I didn't have you there beside me. Even though we don't see each other as much as we did, I still value every minute I get with you. I love the endless laughs, texts, Snapchats, Instagram posts, Facebook posts, baking moments, movie marathons, cuddle sessions, photo ops, endless drives, endless love. Unconditional love.

You are my soulmate. You are the one person I know will always be there through the dark times and the amazing moments I have, as well as I will be there for you.

As your best friend I vow to:
-Love you always and unconditionally
-Be there for you whenever, wherever, always
-Always communicate with you
-Talk common sense into you when you need it; tough love but still unconditional
-Bake with you at any moment you decide necessary
-Watch movies as many times as you deem necessary
-Mutually agree on household items and where we will live in two years
-Be the shoulder you can cry on
-Be the punching bag
-Tell you the truth about everything (except surprises, but you always figure those out anyways!!)
-Be your lesbian lover at any sign of distress
-Be the best cuddle buddy you'll ever have
-Love your cat
-Appreciate your love for Owl's
-Always be there

These are just the things off the top of my head, I'm sure I could go on and on and on but you get the point. I promise to not walk out of your life. I will not walk out, I will let you drag me through hell with you as long as you hold my hand.

Forever and with all of my heart, I love you.

XOXO,
  Your Best Friend

You.

You. You're not who I thought you were. You've changed so much since I've known you. It makes me wonder if I ever really knew you at all. Was the whole thing a lie? Were you waiting for me to get fed up and leave?

It doesn't even hurt anymore like it did a year or two ago. Honestly, now I am just numb to everything and everyone. It's like you posting things about your new person doesn't even phase me or come as a shock anymore.

You knew me so well, you knew my deepest secrets, my deepest loves. You saw me raw, almost naked in a metaphorical sense. That's something most people never have the chance to do. I was by your side and you were by mine, through thick and thin.

Through heartbreak, new loves, accomplishments, everything. You. It was you who was there, nobody else. You were there when I needed someone the most. In those moments that I was most vulnerable. Yet you look at me now like that was nothing.

Now. Now you sit there and act like I don't exist anymore, that nothing ever happened. He changed you, in the worst way. Only some good things came out of that, and losing you was not one of them. But I wasn't going to sit there and give 100% of my effort with nothing in return.

It was a two way street with us, but you repaved the street, and had a traffic control change. You smoothed over the memories we had, everything we shared together, gone. As if it never happened in the first place. Nothing to show for the 6 years of memories.

I knew I would lose you that March, I had a gut feeling. Even though you told me you wouldn't leave, you did. Not right away, but no doubt you did. It was never the same after that, we tried to pretend it was but we both knew it wasn't.

That's what breaks my heart the most. Knowing you don't care, knowing that you threw me out like yesterdays trash.

"That don't sound like you." -Lee Brice

Fire - Fuego - Feuer - Fuoco

Fire, one of the earth's elements that is so vastly used. We can use it for survival, torture, warmth, to heat our water, to cook our food, so many other things too. Fire can tear someone apart, rip everything they know from them in the blink of an eye. Fire is fragile, but it is not discriminatory. (Contrary to what Johnathan Addison says).

However, fire is also like a vampire. In the fact that you cannot see it's reflection. If you don't believe me, try it.

Make this a point in your life. We conceal who we truly are in our shadows that nobody can see. They hide away and don't come out, until certain circumstances draw them out of you. If someone were to judge you based off of what type of flame they see, because they can't see the reflection, it's basically saying that someone is judging you based off what they currently see, they are not seeing what mountains you had to climb to get there. How much heartbreak you had to endure to get where you currently are, to get that flame to stand out against the others.

The thing you should remember most in your life, is you were made to stand out, not blend in. Stand for what you believe in, even if you're standing alone, because that is when you stay true to you. When you stand for what you believe in, you're protecting your values, you are using your voice and freedom of speech.

I have a suspicion that people don't tend to stand up and use their voice because they are afraid of being frowned upon, or hurtful things being said to them. But, if you ask me, that's half the battle. If you think about it, standing up even knowing in the back of your mind there might be backlash from some people, now that is true courage. Also, you saying something instead of holding it in may give another person with not as much strength to be first a chance to stand along side you. That is powerful.

Again, a you cannot see the shadow of a flame, so don't be discouraged that people can't see what you've been through to get where you are. Stand strong, be who you are and say what you feel. You never know when your last opportunity will be, or if you will be able to save someone, somewhere from something they couldn't save themselves from.

XOXO,
Fire - Fuego - Feuer - Fuoco

A Tiny Thought

I've been thinking a lot about life lately. Some good, some bad. It just seems like there is so much being thrown onto my plate, and I don't want to take more than I can chew. 

With that in mind, I know I'm strong, and I know I can handle a lot more than I think I can. Pushing myself makes me better, and more productive. Although it can stress me out, I know in the end I will make myself proud and continue to push myself towards my goals. 

It has been a rough past few months; roller coaster of ups and downs. Through it all, my best friend has been there. That's something I could have only wished for a year ago. It's funny, ordinarily people describe soul mates as: lovers, life partners, people who are destined to get married, ect. That's not it at all. A soul mate could be within your family, within your group of friends, possibly even a stranger. Yes, a soul mate could be all of the romantic things previously stated, but to me that's not all it is. 

My best friend is my soul mate, and this is why:

-same music taste (this is a very important thing to have in common...music is life)

-we love food

-cuddling is second nature

-we understand even if there are no words

-we LOVE food

-also movies and movie marathons

-we wear the same size clothes (not a necessity but helpful when needing something 'new to you' to wear when you get bored of your wardrobe)

-night out? Nope. Night in, with drinks, food, movies, and some more food. 

-we are always proud of the other and support them in anything they do, regardless on if we agree with it. Because we know they love it/want it. 

-endless random funny yet sometimes serious texting conversations and snapchats throughout the day to make your shitty day better; and just in general. 

-we are always beautiful enough; sweatpants and all. 

These are just a few things on the long list of things that we have in common, but we also have our differences. That's what makes us mesh so well. We compliment eachother like steak and potatoes. 

If you take away anything at all from this, make sure the thing that sticks is not to take people for granted. To love unconditionally and without expectation. Yeah, sometimes you might get burnt; but there are those few people who won't fuck you over. Hold onto them, they are a pearl in an ocean of sharks. Fighting over stupid shit? Forget about it, life is too short and it's petty drama. 

Most of all, love yourself enough to know your worth and beauty. Inspire others with your drive and your passion. Have integrity, and believe in yourself. In the end, the only battle you have is with yourself. 

An Open Letter to the Lonely Girl

So you feel alone, like you're drowning beneath the waves and no one to pull you back to shore. Almost as if you had a million reasons to go and not many to stay. There is just something about the darkness of the night that haunts you, yet you love to sit and think about life while counting your wishes in the stars. It seems that everyone around you is happy and content with life and you envy how they can go day to day and live their life so gracefully and with such adventure.

I've been there, I know that it takes everything in your power to get out of bed in the morning, to get dressed and put that same forced smile on your face. Day after day it's the same routine and it starts to blur together. The things that once made you so happy just don't have the same effect anymore, yet you act like it does so the people around you don't know how alone you really feel. Why should they get the privilege of knowing how you really feel when most of the time they are just going to use it against you? It makes no sense, right?

You might crave physical touch every now and then, in an emotional way. Yet there is nobody there for you when you need it the most. You're waiting for him to figure it out so he can comfort you in the way he used to with all those late night drives and conversations. Nothing else is comparable to the way he made you feel, the way he held you when you were sad or scared, and they way he made you so happy that you always had a smile on your face, even if you were mad at him. The way he would look at you when he thought you weren't looking as you're dancing and singing your heart out.

You were in love with him, not for the way he sweet talked you, but because he was himself. Just him.

Now that he isn't there like he used to be, you feel insecure and maybe a little helpless. It doesn't help that everyone around you seems to have someone but you, and all you want to do is call him and hug him. He might even be your kryptonite. It's going to hurt, you're going to feel like your heart got ripped open, but that's because it matters.

It will always matter, there will never be a day that goes by that you don't miss him. Over all, you feel empty inside, and that nobody understands. Probably because you don't completely understand yourself. That's okay, you don't have to completely understand why you're lonely or feeling the way you are. This is the beauty of life, it's a puzzle that you put together as you go.

It might not even be all because of him, you might be sad about other events in your life, and this just seems to amplify it. It's going to sting for awhile, but you got to try and be happy. Take off the fake smile, and dress up for a day. Make sure you feel beautiful, if only for one day. It will help make you happier for the day and it helps with the loneliness. Now, it won't completely go away, it will always be there, but as long as you start to fall in love with yourself again, it will subside into the prick of a needle.

If you don't try, you will never succeed.

Always expect the unexpected.

Ever heard the saying, expect the unexpected? Well it seems that most of you believe that to be true, and I applaud you for that, because it is more that true. Ever feel like you've been hit by a freight train but with words? Yeah, that's a bitch.

There came a point in my life where I made myself a promise, and that was to not do something if it wasn't making me happy. Not fake happy, not I will put up with it happy, but really happy. However, there was always one thing that I stuck with no matter how it made me feel. I've done this before, and I know the outcome; it's never pretty and always pretty damn messy.

Even though I know what the outcome of letting someone else have the reins over my emotions is, I still do it and I'm sure there are some people out there that let people do this to them too. Even if they don't necessarily know it's happening, or they are playing the ignorance card.

Here is what I am trying to say with all of this, make sure that you know all possible outcomes, and that you are emotionally ready for every outcome that might happen. This helps you become better prepared for that freight train of words that is about to knock you off your feet. Now, don't get confused by this. I'm not saying it's not going to hurt, it is. What I'm saying is that it's better to know that something might happen and have control over the situation so you're not 100% caught off guard.

I've had some though moments in life, some I wish I could've avoided. In theory, that would be amazing; in reality, I've learned from every moment of my life and that is something I wouldn't want to give up. A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.

Also, most people tend to put their emotions into their significant other or the person they have feelings for even if they might not be together. This shouldn't be something that takes up so much of your emotions, that you don't have any left for yourself. The emotions you have for yourself need to be greater than those you put into others. It is a very hard thing to do, especially if you're a person who makes it a point to please others like myself, but it has to be done.

If you don't put more emotion into yourself than others, you're going to be left more of a mess if something goes wrong. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but life happens. Don't shoot the messenger.

In all seriousness though, make sure you invest in yourself before you invest into someone else. Ultimately you are the one who will always be there for yourself, and you are the biggest importance of your life. Unless you have kids, then there might be an exception to that. In the same sense though make sure you take time for yourself. It doesn't always have to be all about the kids, soon they will grow up and then where will you be? An emotional train wreck because you hid yourself in them, and now they aren't there to hide you anymore. Be yourself, don't try and hide yourself in someone else, that isn't healthy or helpful.

"Of this be sure: you don't find the happy life, you make it." -Thomas Manson