Fire, one of the earth's elements that is so vastly used. We can use it for survival, torture, warmth, to heat our water, to cook our food, so many other things too. Fire can tear someone apart, rip everything they know from them in the blink of an eye. Fire is fragile, but it is not discriminatory. (Contrary to what Johnathan Addison says).
However, fire is also like a vampire. In the fact that you cannot see it's reflection. If you don't believe me, try it.
Make this a point in your life. We conceal who we truly are in our shadows that nobody can see. They hide away and don't come out, until certain circumstances draw them out of you. If someone were to judge you based off of what type of flame they see, because they can't see the reflection, it's basically saying that someone is judging you based off what they currently see, they are not seeing what mountains you had to climb to get there. How much heartbreak you had to endure to get where you currently are, to get that flame to stand out against the others.
The thing you should remember most in your life, is you were made to stand out, not blend in. Stand for what you believe in, even if you're standing alone, because that is when you stay true to you. When you stand for what you believe in, you're protecting your values, you are using your voice and freedom of speech.
I have a suspicion that people don't tend to stand up and use their voice because they are afraid of being frowned upon, or hurtful things being said to them. But, if you ask me, that's half the battle. If you think about it, standing up even knowing in the back of your mind there might be backlash from some people, now that is true courage. Also, you saying something instead of holding it in may give another person with not as much strength to be first a chance to stand along side you. That is powerful.
Again, a you cannot see the shadow of a flame, so don't be discouraged that people can't see what you've been through to get where you are. Stand strong, be who you are and say what you feel. You never know when your last opportunity will be, or if you will be able to save someone, somewhere from something they couldn't save themselves from.
XOXO,
Fire - Fuego - Feuer - Fuoco
Saturday, October 3, 2015
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
A Tiny Thought
I've been thinking a lot about life lately. Some good, some bad. It just seems like there is so much being thrown onto my plate, and I don't want to take more than I can chew.
With that in mind, I know I'm strong, and I know I can handle a lot more than I think I can. Pushing myself makes me better, and more productive. Although it can stress me out, I know in the end I will make myself proud and continue to push myself towards my goals.
It has been a rough past few months; roller coaster of ups and downs. Through it all, my best friend has been there. That's something I could have only wished for a year ago. It's funny, ordinarily people describe soul mates as: lovers, life partners, people who are destined to get married, ect. That's not it at all. A soul mate could be within your family, within your group of friends, possibly even a stranger. Yes, a soul mate could be all of the romantic things previously stated, but to me that's not all it is.
My best friend is my soul mate, and this is why:
-same music taste (this is a very important thing to have in common...music is life)
-we love food
-cuddling is second nature
-we understand even if there are no words
-we LOVE food
-also movies and movie marathons
-we wear the same size clothes (not a necessity but helpful when needing something 'new to you' to wear when you get bored of your wardrobe)
-night out? Nope. Night in, with drinks, food, movies, and some more food.
-we are always proud of the other and support them in anything they do, regardless on if we agree with it. Because we know they love it/want it.
-endless random funny yet sometimes serious texting conversations and snapchats throughout the day to make your shitty day better; and just in general.
-we are always beautiful enough; sweatpants and all.
These are just a few things on the long list of things that we have in common, but we also have our differences. That's what makes us mesh so well. We compliment eachother like steak and potatoes.
If you take away anything at all from this, make sure the thing that sticks is not to take people for granted. To love unconditionally and without expectation. Yeah, sometimes you might get burnt; but there are those few people who won't fuck you over. Hold onto them, they are a pearl in an ocean of sharks. Fighting over stupid shit? Forget about it, life is too short and it's petty drama.
Most of all, love yourself enough to know your worth and beauty. Inspire others with your drive and your passion. Have integrity, and believe in yourself. In the end, the only battle you have is with yourself.
Saturday, August 15, 2015
An Open Letter to the Lonely Girl
So you feel alone, like you're drowning beneath the waves and no one to pull you back to shore. Almost as if you had a million reasons to go and not many to stay. There is just something about the darkness of the night that haunts you, yet you love to sit and think about life while counting your wishes in the stars. It seems that everyone around you is happy and content with life and you envy how they can go day to day and live their life so gracefully and with such adventure.
I've been there, I know that it takes everything in your power to get out of bed in the morning, to get dressed and put that same forced smile on your face. Day after day it's the same routine and it starts to blur together. The things that once made you so happy just don't have the same effect anymore, yet you act like it does so the people around you don't know how alone you really feel. Why should they get the privilege of knowing how you really feel when most of the time they are just going to use it against you? It makes no sense, right?
You might crave physical touch every now and then, in an emotional way. Yet there is nobody there for you when you need it the most. You're waiting for him to figure it out so he can comfort you in the way he used to with all those late night drives and conversations. Nothing else is comparable to the way he made you feel, the way he held you when you were sad or scared, and they way he made you so happy that you always had a smile on your face, even if you were mad at him. The way he would look at you when he thought you weren't looking as you're dancing and singing your heart out.
You were in love with him, not for the way he sweet talked you, but because he was himself. Just him.
Now that he isn't there like he used to be, you feel insecure and maybe a little helpless. It doesn't help that everyone around you seems to have someone but you, and all you want to do is call him and hug him. He might even be your kryptonite. It's going to hurt, you're going to feel like your heart got ripped open, but that's because it matters.
It will always matter, there will never be a day that goes by that you don't miss him. Over all, you feel empty inside, and that nobody understands. Probably because you don't completely understand yourself. That's okay, you don't have to completely understand why you're lonely or feeling the way you are. This is the beauty of life, it's a puzzle that you put together as you go.
It might not even be all because of him, you might be sad about other events in your life, and this just seems to amplify it. It's going to sting for awhile, but you got to try and be happy. Take off the fake smile, and dress up for a day. Make sure you feel beautiful, if only for one day. It will help make you happier for the day and it helps with the loneliness. Now, it won't completely go away, it will always be there, but as long as you start to fall in love with yourself again, it will subside into the prick of a needle.
If you don't try, you will never succeed.
I've been there, I know that it takes everything in your power to get out of bed in the morning, to get dressed and put that same forced smile on your face. Day after day it's the same routine and it starts to blur together. The things that once made you so happy just don't have the same effect anymore, yet you act like it does so the people around you don't know how alone you really feel. Why should they get the privilege of knowing how you really feel when most of the time they are just going to use it against you? It makes no sense, right?
You might crave physical touch every now and then, in an emotional way. Yet there is nobody there for you when you need it the most. You're waiting for him to figure it out so he can comfort you in the way he used to with all those late night drives and conversations. Nothing else is comparable to the way he made you feel, the way he held you when you were sad or scared, and they way he made you so happy that you always had a smile on your face, even if you were mad at him. The way he would look at you when he thought you weren't looking as you're dancing and singing your heart out.
You were in love with him, not for the way he sweet talked you, but because he was himself. Just him.
Now that he isn't there like he used to be, you feel insecure and maybe a little helpless. It doesn't help that everyone around you seems to have someone but you, and all you want to do is call him and hug him. He might even be your kryptonite. It's going to hurt, you're going to feel like your heart got ripped open, but that's because it matters.
It will always matter, there will never be a day that goes by that you don't miss him. Over all, you feel empty inside, and that nobody understands. Probably because you don't completely understand yourself. That's okay, you don't have to completely understand why you're lonely or feeling the way you are. This is the beauty of life, it's a puzzle that you put together as you go.
It might not even be all because of him, you might be sad about other events in your life, and this just seems to amplify it. It's going to sting for awhile, but you got to try and be happy. Take off the fake smile, and dress up for a day. Make sure you feel beautiful, if only for one day. It will help make you happier for the day and it helps with the loneliness. Now, it won't completely go away, it will always be there, but as long as you start to fall in love with yourself again, it will subside into the prick of a needle.
If you don't try, you will never succeed.
Monday, July 13, 2015
Always expect the unexpected.
Ever heard the saying, expect the unexpected? Well it seems that most of you believe that to be true, and I applaud you for that, because it is more that true. Ever feel like you've been hit by a freight train but with words? Yeah, that's a bitch.
There came a point in my life where I made myself a promise, and that was to not do something if it wasn't making me happy. Not fake happy, not I will put up with it happy, but really happy. However, there was always one thing that I stuck with no matter how it made me feel. I've done this before, and I know the outcome; it's never pretty and always pretty damn messy.
Even though I know what the outcome of letting someone else have the reins over my emotions is, I still do it and I'm sure there are some people out there that let people do this to them too. Even if they don't necessarily know it's happening, or they are playing the ignorance card.
Here is what I am trying to say with all of this, make sure that you know all possible outcomes, and that you are emotionally ready for every outcome that might happen. This helps you become better prepared for that freight train of words that is about to knock you off your feet. Now, don't get confused by this. I'm not saying it's not going to hurt, it is. What I'm saying is that it's better to know that something might happen and have control over the situation so you're not 100% caught off guard.
I've had some though moments in life, some I wish I could've avoided. In theory, that would be amazing; in reality, I've learned from every moment of my life and that is something I wouldn't want to give up. A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
Also, most people tend to put their emotions into their significant other or the person they have feelings for even if they might not be together. This shouldn't be something that takes up so much of your emotions, that you don't have any left for yourself. The emotions you have for yourself need to be greater than those you put into others. It is a very hard thing to do, especially if you're a person who makes it a point to please others like myself, but it has to be done.
If you don't put more emotion into yourself than others, you're going to be left more of a mess if something goes wrong. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but life happens. Don't shoot the messenger.
In all seriousness though, make sure you invest in yourself before you invest into someone else. Ultimately you are the one who will always be there for yourself, and you are the biggest importance of your life. Unless you have kids, then there might be an exception to that. In the same sense though make sure you take time for yourself. It doesn't always have to be all about the kids, soon they will grow up and then where will you be? An emotional train wreck because you hid yourself in them, and now they aren't there to hide you anymore. Be yourself, don't try and hide yourself in someone else, that isn't healthy or helpful.
"Of this be sure: you don't find the happy life, you make it." -Thomas Manson
There came a point in my life where I made myself a promise, and that was to not do something if it wasn't making me happy. Not fake happy, not I will put up with it happy, but really happy. However, there was always one thing that I stuck with no matter how it made me feel. I've done this before, and I know the outcome; it's never pretty and always pretty damn messy.
Even though I know what the outcome of letting someone else have the reins over my emotions is, I still do it and I'm sure there are some people out there that let people do this to them too. Even if they don't necessarily know it's happening, or they are playing the ignorance card.
Here is what I am trying to say with all of this, make sure that you know all possible outcomes, and that you are emotionally ready for every outcome that might happen. This helps you become better prepared for that freight train of words that is about to knock you off your feet. Now, don't get confused by this. I'm not saying it's not going to hurt, it is. What I'm saying is that it's better to know that something might happen and have control over the situation so you're not 100% caught off guard.
I've had some though moments in life, some I wish I could've avoided. In theory, that would be amazing; in reality, I've learned from every moment of my life and that is something I wouldn't want to give up. A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
Also, most people tend to put their emotions into their significant other or the person they have feelings for even if they might not be together. This shouldn't be something that takes up so much of your emotions, that you don't have any left for yourself. The emotions you have for yourself need to be greater than those you put into others. It is a very hard thing to do, especially if you're a person who makes it a point to please others like myself, but it has to be done.
If you don't put more emotion into yourself than others, you're going to be left more of a mess if something goes wrong. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but life happens. Don't shoot the messenger.
In all seriousness though, make sure you invest in yourself before you invest into someone else. Ultimately you are the one who will always be there for yourself, and you are the biggest importance of your life. Unless you have kids, then there might be an exception to that. In the same sense though make sure you take time for yourself. It doesn't always have to be all about the kids, soon they will grow up and then where will you be? An emotional train wreck because you hid yourself in them, and now they aren't there to hide you anymore. Be yourself, don't try and hide yourself in someone else, that isn't healthy or helpful.
"Of this be sure: you don't find the happy life, you make it." -Thomas Manson
Friday, June 19, 2015
Late Night Thoughts
Tonight, just like any other, started off with laughter and jokes. It's always a blessing to be around people who genuinely make you happy. There is no other feeling like it. At this point you are probably thinking that I'm just being clichè, but have you seriously sat down and thought about it?
Through the past few years I've learned a lot about myself and who I want to be. I've set my goals an aspirations higher than I would have a few years back. Let's be honest here, hindsight is 20/20; it always is though. You don't know what you have until it's gone; you don't know how far you've gone until you look back on where you used to be.
Tonight was different for me though; I learned things about myself that I guess I somewhat knew already but at the same time it wasn't completely clear to me. Drama is not my friend, it never has been and never will be. Here are my thoughts on why I say this: it's bullshit. I'm guilty of creating drama (I made drama tonight in fact) and I'm mad at myself for doing it.
There was no reason to create the drama that I did. It was completely not necessary and honestly not at all helpful. Drama never is. It's helpful when you know so much about a person to know how annoyed they get with drama. Yet I still created it. Why? Not a clue. I guess I just wanted to be heard.
It gets to a point where you have to take a step back and ask yourself if it's truly worth it. Most of the time, you should find it not to be. I'm appologetic for my actions tonight, and it shouldn't have gone that far.
Moral of the story is that drama is unnecessary and never helpful. Even if it is because you want to be heard. Now, I know that's not the only reason people create drama, but it's at least some of why. That, or they want attention.
I'm not sure if they will read this, but if they do this is what I have to say to them. I'm sorry for trying to make something small into a big deal, that text broke my heart a little and I just wanted to comfort you in the best way I knew how to. That's what I do. Especially when you have such a special place in my heart. I know you don't like drama and the fact that I created it with you makes me a little sick to my stomach to be honest. I know my boundaries, and I somewhat know where I stand with you. It's just hard for me to sit across from you and not be able to help you like I know how to. I probably could have gone about it a different way, but I clearly wasn't thinking through it well enough. I love you, and I miss you.
Xoxo,
Lonely midnight thoughts.
Through the past few years I've learned a lot about myself and who I want to be. I've set my goals an aspirations higher than I would have a few years back. Let's be honest here, hindsight is 20/20; it always is though. You don't know what you have until it's gone; you don't know how far you've gone until you look back on where you used to be.
Tonight was different for me though; I learned things about myself that I guess I somewhat knew already but at the same time it wasn't completely clear to me. Drama is not my friend, it never has been and never will be. Here are my thoughts on why I say this: it's bullshit. I'm guilty of creating drama (I made drama tonight in fact) and I'm mad at myself for doing it.
There was no reason to create the drama that I did. It was completely not necessary and honestly not at all helpful. Drama never is. It's helpful when you know so much about a person to know how annoyed they get with drama. Yet I still created it. Why? Not a clue. I guess I just wanted to be heard.
It gets to a point where you have to take a step back and ask yourself if it's truly worth it. Most of the time, you should find it not to be. I'm appologetic for my actions tonight, and it shouldn't have gone that far.
Moral of the story is that drama is unnecessary and never helpful. Even if it is because you want to be heard. Now, I know that's not the only reason people create drama, but it's at least some of why. That, or they want attention.
I'm not sure if they will read this, but if they do this is what I have to say to them. I'm sorry for trying to make something small into a big deal, that text broke my heart a little and I just wanted to comfort you in the best way I knew how to. That's what I do. Especially when you have such a special place in my heart. I know you don't like drama and the fact that I created it with you makes me a little sick to my stomach to be honest. I know my boundaries, and I somewhat know where I stand with you. It's just hard for me to sit across from you and not be able to help you like I know how to. I probably could have gone about it a different way, but I clearly wasn't thinking through it well enough. I love you, and I miss you.
Xoxo,
Lonely midnight thoughts.
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Nature is Beauty
This is probably one of the best pictures I have ever taken. As most of you know, I am into photography and am almost always taking pictures (even if they are selfies). I'm so proud of the photos that I took this day, but this one is probably my favorite.
Sunday, June 7, 2015
Fun in the Sun
Today was an adventure in a couple different ways. Since I've moved in and out of my moms house quite frequently since turning 18, and even a few times before that when I got into trouble, I've just stopped unpacking some boxes and just put them in our storage under the house. Well today was the day that I went through all of those boxes. Not only to get rid of things I clearly had no use for, but to reorganize all of them since they had been half full boxes, or just a mash-up of items.
This is how bad I've gotten over the past few years; I emptied probably 15 boxes, and reorganized them into 5. Master packer vs hoarder. Yes, I admit it, I hoard things that I think I might want down the road (even though 99% of the time I don't). It felt so good to get that all taken care of, especially when 2 boxes are Christmas, and another is all dishes. That means only two or three boxes have actual stuff in there.
Somewhat expecting that to take the greater portion of the day, I hadn't really planned anything else and that was to be my big project of the day. Well that really only took about an hour or two, and then I wasn't really sure what to do after that because I didn't want to sit and watch TV all day, especially because of how nice it was outside.
With that being said, I asked my friend Jess what she was up to since I haven't seen her in months. We ended up going to the park and walking around catching up, then going to get SONIC Happy Hour Slushies to cool off. I'm a sucker for Sonic Slushies.
Here is the issue we ran into while trying to plan this adventure, where do we go? We rattled off a few ideas, but we figured the places we listed were sure to be crowded, and who wants to go somewhere where it's crowded? Not me, I don't handle crowds very well, they stress me out and I get really frustrated.
That was the question; somewhere new, that had a body of water, and wasn't going to be too crowded. Wilsonville docks, Newberg docks, and finally Cook Park. Well we ended up going to cook park because well all else was not looking up. We wanted to go on an adventure, and find somewhere not so crowded. From my experience, all of these places are highly known so most often there are plenty of people there, and in big groups.
This was her first time at Cook Park, so I guess you could say it was a new adventure. We went walking on the trails that go through the whole park. Some of the paths dead-ended, and some just seemed not so plausible. We did make it down almost every trail in the park though, and the sign at the gate said the park was a half a mile, so that counted as my exercise for the day! ;)
That was my fun in the sun for the day, and it was pretty great!
This is how bad I've gotten over the past few years; I emptied probably 15 boxes, and reorganized them into 5. Master packer vs hoarder. Yes, I admit it, I hoard things that I think I might want down the road (even though 99% of the time I don't). It felt so good to get that all taken care of, especially when 2 boxes are Christmas, and another is all dishes. That means only two or three boxes have actual stuff in there.
Somewhat expecting that to take the greater portion of the day, I hadn't really planned anything else and that was to be my big project of the day. Well that really only took about an hour or two, and then I wasn't really sure what to do after that because I didn't want to sit and watch TV all day, especially because of how nice it was outside.
With that being said, I asked my friend Jess what she was up to since I haven't seen her in months. We ended up going to the park and walking around catching up, then going to get SONIC Happy Hour Slushies to cool off. I'm a sucker for Sonic Slushies.
Here is the issue we ran into while trying to plan this adventure, where do we go? We rattled off a few ideas, but we figured the places we listed were sure to be crowded, and who wants to go somewhere where it's crowded? Not me, I don't handle crowds very well, they stress me out and I get really frustrated.
That was the question; somewhere new, that had a body of water, and wasn't going to be too crowded. Wilsonville docks, Newberg docks, and finally Cook Park. Well we ended up going to cook park because well all else was not looking up. We wanted to go on an adventure, and find somewhere not so crowded. From my experience, all of these places are highly known so most often there are plenty of people there, and in big groups.
This was her first time at Cook Park, so I guess you could say it was a new adventure. We went walking on the trails that go through the whole park. Some of the paths dead-ended, and some just seemed not so plausible. We did make it down almost every trail in the park though, and the sign at the gate said the park was a half a mile, so that counted as my exercise for the day! ;)
That was my fun in the sun for the day, and it was pretty great!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)